Haiku Battle Extraordinaire

So Kevin, a friend of mine, decided that he'd go ahead and send me an email that poked fun at the fact that I was earning a day's keep while he was streaming footage from the largest electronics conference in existance.

unlucky mortal
thou toil while I stream e3
ha ha ha you suck

That's right...he bitch slapped me, Haiku style. He went on to explain the wonders that will be the PS3, and finished off with:

great kutaragi
may I please bear your children
ps3 willl rock

For whatever deluted reason, I thought he was refering to me as Kutaragi. So I responded -

your second haiku
it frightened me beyond words
my kids ain't yours son

And Kevin Corrected me.

Mighty Sony Pres.
Ken Kutaragi you ain't
He is teh awesome

I've no idea what "teh" means, but Kevin meant that shit. So I had to follow-up -

although I'm no Ken
I can haiku with you boy
sans word abridging

Not to be intimidated, Kevin fired back -

The gauntlet is down
You will be my haiku bitch
you are going down

I'm not easily scared off either, so -

the only thing down
is your skill at a haiku
you should learn from me

And it began to get fun -

your form is quite weak
it's quite pitiful really
like a newborn child

If you knew Aaron, you'd get the next bit more. But anyway -

As Aaron says, "Yer mom!"
superior skill is mine
my form is unique

And Kevin ups the ante -

I see your haiku
and raise you a limerick
beat that fancy pants

there once was a scotsman named jerry
whose rhymes were exceedingly hairy
thinks he can beat me, how deluded is he
noone defeats kevin carey.

Now, I'm a sucker for a good limerick...and this was funny and clever. Not to pass up a good challenge, here we go -

Limericks are fine
As a low poetry form
I meet your challenge

There once was a Kevin called Carey
Who's rhyming was typically scary
He thinks I'll be trumped, but he'll be the chump
When my lines hit him right in the gary

For those of you unaware (as was I until recently) "gary" is a slang term for the female anatomy. So...I not only called him out on limericks...but I called him a woman. It is at this point that I've lost the correspondance by deleting the damn email. Shit. But I can tell you what my next limerick was...because it was good! (And this was the last correspondance...Kevin didn't reply)

Edit: I've remembered (I hope correctly) Kevin's response to my limerick -

There once was a child called Burns
whose rhyming made good dairy turn
he thinks he was winning but his focus is thinning
for to play with his mingy he yearns

Kevin also pointed out the difficulty of rhyming with "Burns" without actually using "Burns". So to trump Kevin further, I set out on the much more difficult (I believe) task of rhyming with "Kevin".

There once was a kid known as Kevin
who was hung like a boy aged of seven
although his age became greater, this great masturbater
gained no more than a boy aged eleven

Since Kevin didn't respond, I can only assume - game...set...match. Booya, baby...booya.